Roman is Burning

On Tuesday while most of the people in this fine country were busy with other sporting events like the NHL and NBA playoffs and still grading out the NFL Draft there was quite a match going on across the pond.  In the UEFA Champions League FC Barcelona took on Real Madrid in what was being billed one of the top matches of the year.

Now I know we don’t talk much about soccer here, unless it involves Spector, but this seemed like as good of game as any to get a running diary going for.  I know very little about the Champions League so I asked friend of the program, avid soccer fan and general foul-mouth Jeff Yanks to execute this story.  What follows is Part 1 of Yanks’ running diary.

WARNING: Lots of bad language in this one (and Part II coming later today) so if you have a sensitivity to any of that then too bad for you.

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Pregame

The starting lineups are out and 2 big names are missing from the Madrid side: Sergio Ramos and PePe are both unavailable due to suspension; should make this an open game on the wings with the likes of Alvarez and Pedro on the pitch.

Ronaldo and KaKa need to have a great game in order to come back from this 2-0 score line in the first leg. 12mins from kickoff and the commentators are morons. They have said nothing about Ramos and PePe missing this leg which makes Madrid’s chances slim to none.

Leave it to Fox to employ a commentator who knows nothing about futbol, coloring one of the most exciting fixtures of this century…Chach Monkeys!!!!

Champions League/Spanish Anthem

The Spanish National Anthem is gay. Call America when you muster the balls to kill a terrorist and it unites an entire country….I’m talking to you Saudi Arabia you fucking douche bags.

Can I just say how much I love the Champions League anthem.

It is kinda weird that the people in the center of the pitch are playing with the same big tent thing we played with back in elementary school with tennis balls

First Half

Real Madrid showing some signs of true grit. No team have ever gone down by 2 goals in the first leg and have come back to move onto the final…with every thing else going against Real, they now have history working against them as well.

Ronaldo has had more touches in the first 3mins than he did all last game.

Pedro again being a pussy…man the fuck up!!!!

Messi is definitely Argentinean…Tevez like passion chasing down the goal keeper.

Real give the ball away at mid field and Iniesta drags his shot wide of the goal. Good open start to the game and I can honestly say not one pussy dive from these swan like Spaniards.

Pedro goes down yet again on a weak touch from Aibola. Seriously, you sneeze on these fuckers and they go over.

Gives a United fan hope in the final with strong English legs.

Carvallio has a run out today having signed from Chelsea over the summer.

This game is already a better contest 10mins in than the first leg. Less diving, more open, less douchey.

First yellow card of the game goes to the Chelsea man Caravallio. Stuck out a leg and over goes Messi who was def looking for the foul.

I mean there is no way a little tap on the top of the foot should cause the best footballer in the world to go over.

HAHAHAHAHA. Puyol going over without being touched and being a cunt about it. Did not get the call and the ref already has a firm grip on this game.

Barcelona cannot seem to maintain the same amount of ball control as they did in the first leg.

Xavi using his experience to get the call….I really hate it when they say using experience. Call it what it is…cheating like a little cunt.

Now I am not saying that the Red Devils are innocent….I am just sick of seeing dives in the Classico. DOWN DOWN DOWN everyone goes…..starting see more and more EXPERIENCE being used.

Messi breaks but a great play by Marcello; shoulder to shoulder challenge and wins the ball. Real need to control the ball more and with more quality. They keep giving the ball away cheaply in their own area. Iniesta will make they pay soon enough if this type of play continues.

Barcelona are threatening the Real goal and Messi is looking hungry.

Iniesta and Messi are my pick to link up and score the opener.

Real don’t clear and Marcello give up a corner to Barcelona. 4 red shirts in the box…..open header for Sergio but he hits it straight at the keeper. What a waste, great ball in, just lacked a finish.

ANNNNNDDDDDDDDDD now it starts. DIVE DIVE DIVE!!!!! Messi jumps into the challenge and of course wins a free kick. This is why Americans think soccer is for pussies…it looks like a bunch of pussy wankers on the pitch falling over with the slightest breath or trailing foot. It just makes the game so un-credible and affects the passion fans have for the sport.

GREAT save for Casillas!!!!!!! Messi drives across the area with a nice left footed shot from outside the 30 meter mark. Full stretch Casillas makes a nice 2 handed save and retains the ball.

Just saw an AD for MEET CHRISTAIN SINGLES. Do you think Christians have enough time after praying for their eternal souls to online date? DO you think god approves of online dating?

Messi puts Casillas to the test yet again and he is up to the challenge. Villa puts a weak header in the box.

Real cannot get the ball into Barca’s territory. I think the home side has a comfortable 60mins left. CLEAR THE FUCKING BALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Casillas is being put to work here. SAVE SAVE SAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Real try to break and Ronaldo’s pass it cut off by Valdes.

Halftime

Open first half but no score line. Real Madrid is not out of the game yet. They need 3 to advance or 2 and penalties.

I switched providers cause I could not stand the douche bag commentators on Fox. Moved to Sky Sports 1 …English…proper….respected!!!

I hope I get some English ads with some tit in them.

Steve McManaman can go to fucking hell. Eat a bag of dicks, like David Carridy you can fuck yourself and just die!!!! You Liverpool cunt!!!!! You were never good and never had any vision for the game.

Now Tim Sherwood is awesome…def smoked a fat J before going live.

Trevor Frances is getting OLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. I mean HD does him no fucking favors. Doesn’t help that he’s English…look at what it did for Ringo.