The 2002 All-Star-less Chicago Bulls

Okay, so after a much needed break for staff writer/ground and pounder Jim Cook we return to our regularly scheduled series of All-Star-less Chicago Bulls team’s in-between the MJ and D. Rose selections.

Click here for Part I

Click here for Part II

Click here for Part III

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A little economics lesson to start off our review:

Q: What is the term used when you trade a proven commodity for an unproven commodity?
A: Really fucking stupid.

Mind you, I had an F going into the final for Econ 101 and had to invest about 60 hours worth of studying in 2 weeks just to pass but I’m pretty sure I retained that tidbit from Norm Miller’s class.

Now you’re probably asking, “Where are you going with this, douche bag?”  Well, as we have reviewed in the past two season recaps, Elton Brand was a proven commodity as a double-double machine.  In his first two seasons, he averaged 20 points and 10 rebounds per game and flirted with an All-Star berth in each campaign (which, looking back, would have been fine with me cause that would have shortened this stupid compilation of seasons to 4 but I digress) making him a “proven commodity”.  So what does Jerry Krause do with this proven commodity?  He trades it for the 2nd overall pick in the 2001 draft to select high school center, Tyson Chandler (unproven commodity).  So…using our econ formula, Elton Brand for Tyson Chandler equals REALLY fucking stupid.  Once again, I would drink a cup of Will Perdue’s pee to find out what the logic was in trading a consistent double-double, and cornerstone of your franchise, for an 18 year old high school kid?  Who weighed about 150 pounds soaking wet.  If anyone can understand this decision, and wants to explain it to me, please write something in the comments or mail me a letter so I can better understand.  Or if Jerry Krause is reading this, let me know where we can sit down and talk over a hot cup of pee.

2001 was the year of youth in the draft.  Kwame Brown was drafted straight out of high school by His Airness (oops), Chandler went 2 to the Bulls, some guy named Pau Gasol went 3 to Memphis (yeah, like that guy is going to amount to anything…he can’t even spell Paul right), and then it came to the Bulls actual pick at 4.  Mr. Krause, with one high schooler in the pocket had the opportunity to look for something to compliment his young project, maybe someone like a Shane Battier, a senior out of Duke (save your gas…Battier is a nice player and he was mature enough to come into the league as a rookie and contribute).  Instead, to compliment their 18 year old high school rookie, Jerry selected another 18 year old high school rookie, Eddy Curry.  **Full disclosure: Going into the draft, I really wanted the Bulls to pick Curry and pair him with Brand.  I think being able to learn from Brand and then step in to give the Bulls two productive bigs would have been pretty meaty** I’m not really sure why someone thought it would be a good idea to take 2 18 year old kids, give them lots of money, and tell them that you’re going to put the whole franchise’s future in their hands.  You know, they might get, like intimidated, or something.  Maybe act immature.  Think about what you were doing at 18, and now think about what you’d be doing at 18 if you had like a million bucks?  It probably would involve lots of intercourse.

To complete the rest of the Bulls draft and free agent moves, the Bulls had the first pick in the second round and they took Trenton “It’s a real fuckin” Hassell “to keep writing this series”.  That was really his nickname.  “Guns up” Gil Arenas went next.  He turned out ok before the guns and injuries and stuff.  Hindsight is 20/20 so we’ll move on.  They also selected some bozo named Sean Lampley.  I have no idea who that is or what he did.  Apparently he played 45 games in the league, none with the Bulls.  In another head scratching moment, the Bulls major free agent acquisition was Eddie “not David” Robinson.  They signed him to a big time deal where he made over $5 mil for this 2001-2002 season.  Why this is a little ball scratching is because in his previous two seasons with the Charlotte Hornets, he averaged 7.2 ppg, 2.8 rpg, and less than an assist per game.  I guess I’m not a huge stat man (I care about wins and losses, ask my rec league teams), but are those numbers worth $5 mil?  He better have picked up towels and handed out sandwiches after the game for that money.  At least he averaged a career high 9 points in 29 games this year.  Another econ term…R-O-I.  Huge here.  Sike.

Shit, a lot of stuff happened this year.  Speaking of return on investment, the Bulls decided to cash in their chips on Ron Mercer midway through February.  They dealt Mercer, drunk Ron Artest, Brad Miller v 1.0, and Kevin Ollie to the Indiana Pacers for Jalen Rose, Travis Aver…I mean Travis Best, Norm Richardson, and a 2nd round pick.  It really seems like the Pacers got a lot out of the deal.  Was Jalen Rose really that good at the time?  Giving up on Elton Brand AND Ron Artest after just 2 full seasons?  What the fuck is going on in that front office?  Maybe it was like thishttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRrMu7B1L2I.  Anyways, to review, the roster had young guys: Curry, Chandler, Crawford, and Fizer surrounded with guys like Rose, Fred Hoiberg, and Eddie Robinson.  Not necessarily a recipe for success.  Lets dive in.

Coach(es)

Continuing with our slow start motif, the Bulls started 1-12.  How Tim Floyd survived this is beyond me.  But he did, but not for long.  After just 25 games, and a 4-21 record, the Bulls finally canned Tim Floyd.  They did it on Christmas Eve.  Probably the best Christmas gift Tim could have gotten.  Released from the hell that is coaching basically a bunch of freshman in college (that he didn’t even get to pay).  As a replacement to Timmy, the Bulls hired Bill Berry as an interim coach.  He didn’t quite provide the spark that was missing as he went 0-2.  They finally turned the reigns over to Bill Cartwright on a full-time basis.  He finished out the season at 17-38, good for a .310 winning percentage, which isn’t half bad.  It also meant we could start using using the “Why doesn’t Bill like to go shopping?” joke again.  Because Bill can’t push the cart right.  I also got a good story about Toni Kukoc.  Anyways, the 2001-2002 season was one for a change in regime.

Record

21-61, .256 winning percentage, which was good for tied for worse in the league with the Golden State Warriors.  Anyways, the breakdown by coaches if there was too much going on above for you to figure it out: Floyd 4-21, Berry 0-2, and Cartwright 17-38.  In a positive move forward, they were only 28th in the NBA in scoring (out of 29) and 23rd in defense (out of 29).  If Herm Edwards were around, he’d be building on this.  And the team was 9th in attendance.  How pissed would you be if you were on the season ticket waiting list and this was the year your number was called?

Longest win streak

3, twice.  Including their customary, win a whole bunch at the end of the season so we can hurt our chances at the number 1 pick routine.  I don’t blame the players, they obviously are out there playing to win.  But couldn’t they win more at the beginning of the season when people actually care?  This squad ended the season on a 4-2 tear.  There was talk of the NBA having to intervene to break them up to help the league stay competitive.

Best win

We’re going to open this up to best wins, as in a shock to me, the Bulls took both games with the LA Lakers that year.  2001-2002 was the year the Lakers swept the New Jersey Nets to win the NBA title.  The Lakers didn’t roll out their B squad for these games either.  Although Shaq did sit in the game played in LA, the rest of the squad was what the Lake-show trotted out normally.  In the first game, played in Chicago (on Dennis Cook’s birthday), Brad Miller v1.0 earned his weight in gold by scoring 17 points and pulling down 12 boards.  His major contribution to this game is explained below in the Best Moment section (and its a good one)  Charles Oakley version like 4.6 held Shaq to 19 and 10 on 5 of 14 shooting.  Game went to overtime and the better players on the Bulls played better than the better players on the Lakers.  Got it?  In the rematch,  the Lakers were obviously intimidated.  Shaq didn’t even come to the stadium because he was so scared.  Kobe scored 38 and Samaki Walker grabbed 14 boards (yeah, he really started on that team) but it wasn’t enough to control Marcus Fizer who went off for 21/7/4.  Funny enough, Lindsey Hunter played in this game for the Lakers.  He was as ineffective with them then as he is now with the Bulls.

Longest losing streak

10 still in the Tim Floyd era.  I picture him being like the coach from The Waterboy, before Bobby Bouchey joined the team.  Just listlessly walking around, picturing baby’s faces on the other team’s coaches and stuff.

Worst loss

Although there was a beating at the hands of the Memphis Grizzlies, who was the third worst team in the league, that one is a bit excusable as it was the day after Timmy boy got fired.  The worst loss of the season came at the hands of the Cleveland Cavaliers, who were the second worst team in the East, just ahead of the Bulls.  Led by Andre Miller’s 23 points, 16 assists, and 7 steals, the Cavs pounded out a 120-101 victory.  Jalen Rose scored 30 for the Bulls and had 9 assists, but also committed 5 turnovers.  Dalibor Bagaric went for 6/2/1.  Nice game from him.  Compared with Big Z of the Cavs who tallied 16/13/1, I can see why the Bulls got pounded.

Best moment

As I teased before in the Best Win category, there was a little detail of the game against the Lakers on Jan. 12th (won by the Bulls in OT) that I omitted in that section.  I omitted it because if I used it then, I basically would be repeating myself and then you’d get bored and stop reading.  As I mentioned, Brad Miller earned his weight in gold that night because he was about 3 inches away from being put in a gold casket that night.  Watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqJt_2BXPzc The quality is about as good as the videos I’d make of me pretending I was The Bachelor but I think it illustrates my point.  Anytime you can have your white center fight the best player in the NBA, it means you’ve increased your chances of winning.  What did Brad Miller have to say about this?  ”Glad he missed”  Might be a bit of an understatement Bradley….

Funniest player to start at least 25% of the games

I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty tired writing this.  This is really long so I hope you printed it out and took it to the john or are sitting in a lumpy bed because I wrote this from both those locations.  Back to the story…Although there are a bunch of marginal players that started a bunch, because of the trade, I think the one that pisses me most off is Trenton Hassell.  He isn’t that bad, he’s still in the league contributing, but what is he known for?  Is anyone nervous when he comes into the game?  Does anyone get excited when they find out he’s checking into the game?  How much better is he than me?  Seriously…

Other bozos on the roster

Kevin Ollie, Eddie Robinson, Norm Richardon, Dalibor Bagaric, Travis Best (more like…Worst), Greg Anthony (why?)

Leading scorer

Jalen Rose (23.8 ppg)

Leading rebounder

Brad Miller (8.4 rpg)

Leading distributor

Greg Anthony (5.6 apg.  I’m running out of terms for this category.  If anyone has anything here, preferably sexually inuendoed, please let me know and I’ll give you credit.  Or else we just start recycling terms)