We here at Roman Is Burning are no doubt die hard Chicago Cubs fans. (Waiting…waiting…waiting) Okay, now that your laughter has subsided we can move on. The thing about our Cubs Fan Card is that we hate 95% of all other Cub fans. Our hatred stems from going to enough games to know that most people at the game are not paying attention and are just there to drink. It’s not that we have a problem with tipping a few back from time to time it is the fact that all that crap makes it hard for real fans to enjoy the game. There are several other things that bother us about Cub fans but we wont get into that now, however what we will get into is the 5 People You are Guaranteed to Meet at Wrigley Field.
The Douche Bag
Characteristics:
- Fukudome jersey
- Cargo/plaid shorts
- Cubs visor
- Sandals
- Aviator sunglasses
- Possible wristband
- Has no idea of the score
- Constantly on his cell phone
- Possibly removes his shirt in the 5th inning
- Talks about what bar to go to after the game
The Old Couple
Characteristics:
- Dressed for the middle of December in July
- Brought their own bottled water and peanuts
- Wife pays no attention to the game and only starts conversations with those around her
- Usually season ticket holders that know everyone around them including all the ushers
- Look of defeat in their eyes as they have suffered longer than most Cub fans
The Business Man
Characteristics:
- Still in his work clothes, business causal of course
- Clients sitting next to him
- Keeps emailing on his Blackberry during the game
- Constantly asking those around him what they think of Josh Vitters kid (Cubs minor league “it” player)
- Will boo anyone who is in any sort of a slump but will be the first one to give them a curtain call the very next inning
- Constantly talking about how the stock market is going to turn
The Family
Characteristics:
- Husband, wife and 3-4 annoying kids
- All kids dressed in Derek Lee jerseys and have their mitts
- Husband tries to get into the game but his efforts are unsuccessful because of the nagging kids
- Pay for 5 seats but only use 3 due to lap sitting
- Dad has to sit on the aisle because he is taking the kids to the bathroom every 2 innings
- Wife just glad to be out of the house/away from work
- All kids sporting one souvenir and cotton candy smeared all over their faces
- Leave in the 7th inning because the kids are out of control or have finally come down off their sugar high and have passed out
The Hot Chick
Characteristics:
- Derek Lee jersey, 2 sizes too small
- Small jean/khaki shorts
- Possible pink Cubs hat
- Over sized sunglasses
- Has no idea who is even playing
- Thinks Mark DeRosa is the hottest Cub player
- Constantly chatting with her girlfriend about what bar to go to after the game
- Can 95% of the time be found sitting with The Douche Bag
great list.
i’d add the blue collar drunk in the bleachers as well. they’re the ones to always give me shit for wearing my eric davis jersey to reds-cubs games.
this is all kinds of awesome
You forgot the DUFF. Yes that means Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Every girl has one. They dress the same as the hot chick but cant pull it off. you can spot them by looking for the “muffin top”. That is where the fat is spilling out of their pants making their waist line look like a muffin top. There are many ways to describe this but i think that is for another blog.
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Bravo! Finally someone has said what we all have been thinking.
You left off the plastic bucket/broken symbol drummer that sings “Sox suck!”
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Aisle, dammit, aisle!
Not isle, as in, Gilligan’s Isle.
Where is the Drunken Idiot on the list?
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The Douche Bag (along with a few hot chicks) describes pretty much everyone in the bleachers. Don’t forget the asshole ushers. Screw Wrigley. Why do people pay so much money to be treated so badly?
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