February 9, 2010

Roman’s Morning Coffee — Tom Arnold the Scumbag

We here at Roman Is Burning have a huge crush on Marisa Miller, but who doesn’t right?  It seems Marisa took part in a little sand flag football game during Super Bowl week and that total scumbag Tom Arnold took a few liberties when going to tackle her.

First off, Tom, its flag football so there is no need to tackle anyone.  I know that Marisa is extremely beautiful but what happened if you shattered her nose or busted up her knee?  Huh?  Then what Tom Arnold?

Anyway, if I ever see Tom Arnold I’m going to have a few words for him.  Nonetheless, enjoy a few of the pictures and click here to check out the rest.

*Thanks to L DUB for sending over the link.

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February 8, 2010

The 1999 All-Star-less Chicago Bulls

I know we are a little late with the congrats to D. Rose on his 2010 NBA All-Star selection but great job D. Rose, well done.  As most of you know by this point it has been 12 long years since Michael Jordan last represented the Chicago Bulls in the All-Star game.  First off how the hell does this happen in one of the biggest NBA markets in the league?  You don’t’ think the Bulls would have accidently stumbled upon one guy worthy of a selection?  Apparently not I guess.

To celebrate Rose’s All-Star selection, staff writer/bad gambler Jim Cook will be taking a look back at all the Bulls teams over the last 11 years that were All-Star-less.  As you take this magical journey down memory lane you will laugh, you will cry, you will be like, “Jake Voskuhl?  That ass-hole played for the Bulls?”

So stay tuned for a new team every few days.  First up, the lovely squad from the 1999 season.

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Wow…I can’t believe this was 11 years ago.  Our Chicago Bulls were one season removed from winning their 6th NBA title in 8 years, MJ ended his career in the most fitting way possible, and I was in 8th grade on our school trip to Washington DC.  Everyone loved Michael Jordan and everyone loved the Bulls.  But it was the end of the dynasty and it was well known that the team was going to tear it down and build it back up.  Jerry Krause, the GM at the time, was determined to prove he could build a championship team without Jordan, Pippen, and Jackson.  Unfortunately for him, this was a terrible decision.  I hate when sports executives make stupid decisions.  But anyways, this was the first year of the rebuilding era.  It was a unique season in that Jordan, Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Phil Jackson, Luc Longley, Steve Kerr, and Jud Buechler were all jettisoned from the championship teams.  Quite a big loss, especially considering you replaced them with a collection of stiffs and journeymen.  But, despite all that, there were still contributors from the title teams on the 98-99 squad.  Guys like Ron Harper, Toni Kukoc (I have a GREAT story about him by the way), and Randy Brown were the major players for the squad.  Turning these role players into the featured artists, as you probably could have guessed, did not work out real well.  It was the start of 11 years of NBDL quality players your Chicago Bulls churned out for us fans.  Luckily for us, the season was shortened to 50 game due to the players lockout.

Coach

Tim Floyd…how does he keep getting good coaching jobs?  The Bulls, then was hired to help grow a young Chris Paul and the Hornets, USC with OJ Mayo (and Taj Gibson)…geez.  Shouldn’t this guy go play some lottery tickets instead?

Season Record

13-37…good for last place in the Eastern Conference by 2 games.  Sadly enough, they were not the worst team in the league that year.  Both the LA Clippers (led by Maurice Taylor) and the Vancouver Grizzles (Bryant Reeves averaged 10.8 points per game) had more awful records than the crappy Bulls.

Longest win streak

2 twice.

Best win

3rd to last game of the season, they went on the road and beat the Miami Heat.  Miami was the number one seed in the East that season and the Bulls showed no mercy, winning 101-86.  The Waiter, Toni Kukoc went for 25 and 12 assists.  Tim Hardaway and Alonzo Morning must have spent the night before doing incredible amounts of coke and running through hookers like Sully at the OCB line.  At least thats what I’d do if I lived in Miami.

Longest Losing streak

7, twice…including the streak that started on game 3.  Way to get the season off on the right foot.  Keep that in mind, you’re going to see a theme soon.

Worst loss

Once again, the Miami Heat show up in the best/worse game category.  I’m not even kidding on the score…82-49.  The Bulls scored 49 points.    Are you fucking kidding me?  49?  Thats averaging 12 a quarter.  This is still the record for least amount of points scored in an NBA game.  They sucked so much that it broke the record at the time by 6 points.  Cmon.  The leading scorer that night was Kornel David with 13 points (and 10 boards…what the hell?).

Best moment

The Bulls going out in free agency and replacing Jordan, Pippen, and Rodman with…Brent Barry.  Well, at least he did win the 1996 Slam Dunk contest by jumping from about a foot in front of the foul line.  I’m gonna dunk one day.  I’m too lazy to do the research, but is he the only white guy to win the Dunk contest?  They should do that this year, a dunk contest with only white guys.  I tried real hard to find just one picture of Brent in a Bulls uniform and I absolutely couldn’t.

Funniest player to start at least 25% of the games

Andrew Lang.  I have no idea who the hell Andrew Lang is.  I thought he was a winger for the Hawks.  Guy played for 7 different teams.  He was once traded for Charles Barkley.  He averaged 3.8 points per game for the Bulls in 98-99.  So basically he sucked big time.

Other bozos on the roster

Rusty LaRue, Corey Benjamin, Keith Booth, Kornel David, Mark Bryant

Leading scorer

Toni Kukoc (18.2 per game)

Leading rebounder

Kukoc (7 rpg)

Leading assister (assistee?)

Surprise surprise, Kukoc (5.3 apg)

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February 8, 2010

Roman’s Morning Coffee — Lacking Super Sunday Faith

Another Super Bowl come and gone and you are probably fighting that Monday morning hang over or are on your 5th trip to the bathroom because of all the wings, pizza and chili you consumed last night.

The last two years we have been spoiled by great games for Super Bowl Sunday and although last nights game didn’t measure up to the bar set by its two predecessors it was still an excellent football game.  When you hold this game up to the measuring stick for what can be considered a great football game this one had most of the elements.  A big comeback, a game changing turnover, a ballsy call by a coach (the onside kick), an underdog pulling off the victory and a god awful half time show…wait what?  (Sorry but The Who sucked)

When you really think about the game the only thing missing was a last second drive capped off by some huge play.  We got the big play with the interception but Manning just didn’t have enough magic to pull off another miracle.

Kudos to the Saints though, I think a lot of us with no real rooting interest (thanks Bears) were pulling for them, I know I was…kinda.  So hope you enjoyed your Super Sunday and that you weren’t as stupid as my friend Jim.  As you can see I correctly predicted the Saints win and a Brees MVP…Jimmy however did not do the same.  Lesson learned, lesson learned.

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February 5, 2010

Roman’s Morning Coffee — Entertainment Friday: The Puppy Bowl

Looking for something to go back and forth from during the Super Bowl?  Look no further than Animal Planet for the 6th annual Puppy Bowl.

Even if you aren’t about to start switching back and forth, possibly missing commercials (support CBS Sports damnit!), you definitely need to DVR this wonderful event.

The other day Animal Planet released the starting line ups for the game, look for Duncan to have a big game.  He is a RIB favorite because of his resemblance to Skip the dog.

Look for big things from Skip's brother

Here is the link to the rest of the starting line up.

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February 4, 2010

Roman’s Morning Coffee — I Wanna Go Hiiiigher

Ok, go ahead and roll it

This afternoon we are going to hopefully be kicking off our 12 part series on the different Bulls teams that came in-between the Jordan 1998 NBA All-Star selection and the D. Rose 2010 All-Star selection.  What we found will make you laugh and possibly even cry.

So while you are waiting please enjoy this D. Rose highlight reel dunk with the commentary provided by the best analyst in the game, Stacey King.

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February 3, 2010

An Open Letter to the Producers of HBO’s Hard Knocks

Dear HBO Producers,

For the love of all things funny can you please make the Chicago Bears your choice for the 2010 season of your hit program Hard Knocks?  Judging by last season (clearly the best to date) following around the Cincinnati Bengals you are clearly looking for a team that is going to provide not only drama but also a bit of hilarity.  Well then I say to you kind people of HBO, look no further than your 2010 Chicago Bears.

Let’s take a look at what we already know going into training camp.  First off the entire coaching staff and front office are on the hot seat.  After three dismal seasons since reaching the playoffs people are quickly getting fed up with the Lovie Smith regime.  Having the HBO cameras follow around Ted Phillips, Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith for a few weeks could be nothing short of comedy gold.  None of those three morons are accountable for anything they do, each one of them blames the other one and usually a circle of hilarity will ensue.

Three-headed monster of stupid

Another completely awkward/funny theme for the show is that the highest draft pick that will be in camp is whoever the lucky soul is that the Bears draft in the 3rd round.  Yep, that’s right, the figgin 3rd round.  Thanks to the wonderful front office moves by the 3 Stooges listed above the Bears coughed up their first rounder for Jay Cutler and their second round pick for a dead guy (well cross him off the list then)…what…too soon?

Any team that is running around with three previous head NFL coaches on its roster coupled with a coach on the hot seat is destined to make good television.  Mike Tice, Rod Marinelli and Mike Martz all have to be licking their chops for a chance to get Lovie’s job.  They can say whatever they want in the media but you know behind closed doors those guys are going to be pining for that job.

Taking a closer look at the Martz situation, this is the guy who could make the entire season of Hard Knocks if you let him.  First off he and Cutler will never ever be on the same page no matter what they say.  Lest we forget what Martz said about Cutler after first Green Bay game…oh no, you forgot?  Well let me refresh your memory:

“He just doesn’t get it,” Martz said on the NFL Network telecast this past fall. “He doesn’t understand that he represents a great head coach and the rest of those players on that team. Somebody needs to talk to him.”

This is exactly how I want my OC to feel about my star QB, should create plenty of drama during the summer.  So Cutler and Martz are a no go for being all friendly, how about Martz and Lovie…um nope.  Martz is an offensive wiz (no I will not say genius) who is definitely a pass first guy, and Lovie had “we get off the bus running the football” tattooed across his chest ala Tupac’s “Thug Life” tattoo.  Okay I made that last part up but would it surprise you if it was true?  When Martz was in St. Louis running “The Greatest Show on Turf” his head coach was Dick Vermeil, who recently told ESPN 1000:

"We get off the bus running the football"...um no you don't

“He can exploit a defensive football team. The other thing is, he’s a courageous play caller. He can scare you to death when you’re on the other end of the headset.”

Can you image the first preseason game of the year and Lovie wants to get Forte some carries and Martz calls for three bombs in the first series.  We are used to seeing Lovie with that deer-in-the-head-lights look as it, can you imagine the look on his face listening to Martz’s play calling.  He is going to look like someone about to crap their pants but knowing they are 10 miles from the nearest toilet.  I can’t wait.

What the hell did he just call? Ooops I think I just crapped myself.

As for other entertaining storylines HBO would be able to follow would be the return of Brian Urlacher, I mean that guy loves the media right?  I’m sure nothing bad could come of him having a camera in his face 24/7.  How is square jaw Olsen going to deal with Martz as the OC, because typically the tight end is an after thought in a Martz offense.  Finally with the tragic death of DE Gaines Adams (yes I know I made a joke above but it really is a terrible tragedy) how does this team respond?  Do they rally around a guy who they barely knew or does it become that 900 pound elephant in the room that no one really talks about?

There you have it HBO, the Bears deserve to have this season of Hard Knocks and you know it.  Do the right thing and make it happen because the world could use a lot more of awkward Lovie Smith-face moments.

Please trade for Tank so we can watch him build bunk beds again.

Heck if all this fails we can always just resign Tank Johnson for another installment of “Tank Knocks”.

Love,

Roman Is Burning

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February 3, 2010

Roman’s Morning Coffee — National Signing Day (Beware of Chris Hansen)

Nice to see you Patrick, why don't you have a seat over there.

Today is National Signing Day for all future NCAA football players, and while I am most certain that Chris Hansen is on his way to my apartment to wait for Sully it does pay to have a roommate who knows more about 16-18 year old boys than the average fan.

With a new coach in place this year for the Irish it should be quite interesting to see how the 2010 recruiting class shakes out for the Golden Domers.  As of early this morning the letters of intent have started rolling in but according to Sully this whole production won’t be finished till sometime late tonight.  So while you wait check out this video of ND’s big recruit from last year, linebacker Manti Te’o.  Make sure you stick around at least until the 2:15 mark when a sick track from Kid Cudi starts to play.

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February 2, 2010

Roman’s Morning Coffee — 65 Foot Trick Shot With Broken Foot

We always like to give Northwestern a little love when we can, since well, Northwestern usually gets no love whatsoever.

This video shows Northwestern sharpshooter Kevin Coble hopping around on one leg before practice attempting a 65 foot shot.  Coble has been out with a season ending foot/ankle injury so it would seem that he has a lot of time on his hands.

If anything after watching this, the Cats should be ready to go next year with Coble being able to consistently hit shots from half court; personally I don’t know how they will ever be beaten once Coble comes back.

GO CATS!

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February 1, 2010

Roman’s Morning Coffee — Ball!

Extremely awkward interview from the other night with Toronto Raptors froward Hedo Turkoglu.  Things start off great then Hedo just decides he is basically done with the interview and as you can see in the video things get awkward quickly.  On a side note, doesn’t Hedo just hurt to look at?  I have a friend whose boyfriend looks like Turkoglu and I just feel really bad for her.

* Thanks to Jacob Karaca for sending over the video.

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January 29, 2010

Defending Tim Tebow

All this crap I keep reading about Tim Tebow and how he had a bad Senior Bowl week and this is just going to prove all his critics correct that he isn’t going to be a successful at the NFL level is making me want to punch that sissy Todd McShay in the face.  The analysts and scouts sometimes out-think their own shit (see: Jackson, Tyson – Round 1, Pick 3, 2009).

You can go ahead and pick apart things like slow release, not taking snaps under center, locking on receivers, being too badass, whatever, but fact is at some point people start nitpicking.

Obviously a great skill set is required to compete at the NFL level and often successful college QBs never make it to the NFL (see: Harrell, Graham) but everything in Tebow’s skill set aside don’t you want a winner first and foremost?  At the root Tebow is a winner (same with Colt McCoy) and always has been.  Two National Championships, a Heisman Trophy, and a body of work that puts every other player in history to shame, what else would you need to see from him to know he’ll be successful?  He has an unmatched intensity and passion for the game and not to mention you don’t have to worry about any off the field issues with him.

Now some will say, “Well look at the talent he had around him at Florida.”  Say all you want about him being surrounded by all this talent, but it’s really not true.  More offensive talent has come out of places like USC, Georgia, hell, even Ohio State.  This is what type of pro material the greatest college QB of all time had around him.

2007
Dallas Baker – 7th Round
DeShawn Wynn – 7th Round
2008
0 offensive draft picks
2009
Percy Harvin – 1st Round
Louis Murphy – 4th Round
Cornelius Ingram – 5th Round
2010 Draft Senior draft prospects according to Kiper:
QB: Tebow
2010 Draft Junior draft prospects according to Kiper:
TE: Aaron Hernandez (#1 ranked TE)
G: Mike Pouncey (#3)
C: Maurkice Pouncey (#2)

Now just like any other college QB Tebow won’t fit into just any NFL system, he needs to be put in the proper setting.  Ideally somewhere like Arizona or even playing for a hard-nosed coach like Samurai Mike in San Francisco would suite Tebow very well and allow him to have success at the NFL level.  If you give this guy a chance to succeed he is going to win you some football games because unlike college he won’t have to do it all for his team to win.  The guy has succeeded against the best college players in the country for four straight years, why all the sudden won’t he be able to continue that success at the next level?  Flat and simple the guy in a winner and a competitor and if you ask me I’d take him on my team any day of the week.

Finally, if that doesn’t convince you that Tebow has just as good of a shot to be successful, hell, Joe friggin Montana was a third round pick.

*Huge thanks to Jim Cook for his contributions to this post.

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