
Hello Theo, welcome to the living nightmare that is the Chicago Cubs. You will find our stadium old and falling apart, our fan base irrational and baseball stupid and our team loaded with bad contracts, no talent and a depleted farm system. Sounds like a pretty dreamy situation if you ask me.
People are going to expect you to bring a winner to the North side right away (remember baseball stupid) and while the chances of that happening are precisely 0% I think your new venture gives you a chance to start over. However just because you were able to wash your hands of Carl Crawford and John Lackey doesn’t mean there isn’t a giant pile of shit waiting here for you (hello Alfonso Soriano!).
You got some work to do so I suggest you get to it and while you’re at it invest in a good pair of ear plugs because this is going to take another 5 years and people around these parts don’t want any part of that. If you are worth the money the Cubs are paying you then you’ll take your time with this hot mess and turn it around for the long run, not just a one year fix.
Young talent, young talent, young talent
I don’t care if you trade for it, draft it or crap it out your “Moneyball” ass get the farm system stocked with talent. The reason everyone is up Friedman’s ass is because he has produced young stud after young stud but that’s pretty easy to do when you continually pick in the top 10 of the draft every year. Over the next few years you should get your shot at a few top 10-15 picks, don’t fuck that up.

No more long term, fuck you in the face deals
If someone wants to pay Albert, Prince, CJ or whoever else is going to command 6-7 year $100 million+ deals then fine let them deal with it. In 3 years they’ll feel like the Yankee’s feel right about now with A-Rod. You aren’t going to compete for another 3-4 years anyway so why waste that money on one of those guys because by the time you are competitive they are going to be on the downside of their career. Please put a giant photo of Soriano flailing at a slider in the dirt in your office to remind you anytime you feel the need to offer someone a 6-7 year deal.

Find a manager with a backbone
Again, because the team isn’t going anywhere soon you are going to need someone with a spine that is willing to sit Soriano’s ass on the bench and let some of these kids prove if they belong or not. The only way you are going to find out if Colvin, Vitters, Jackson or anyone else this organization is banking on can play…is to LET THEM PLAY. Give me a guy who does the little things, has played the game before (recently) and has a little piss and vinegar in him, someone who wants to go out and kick someone’s ass every day and will hold guys accountable.

The list of shit you need to do far extends past those three items but that would be a good place to start. Good luck Theo, you are going to need it.

















